an answer to grief

It's February, but the weather around here has been more of a false spring. Balmy rains and warm weather tricked the trees into blooming early, and I wanted to buy into it. Last Thursday, I propped open the back door while I was in the dish pit, and kept finding reasons to go out to the... Continue Reading →

the black-eyed woman

It's September of 2019, and I'm still revising a draft I started almost a year ago. A lot happens in the space of one year. So many things have changed. I feel like I don't contain the same cells. Like someone rewrote my code. Maybe they did. I'm not the same person I was a... Continue Reading →

seven months

The date took me by surprise today. I was scribbling down my schedule--I travel so much these days, it’s hard to keep the days straight--when I realized I’d forgotten what the day was. Grief is funny like that. It’s taken seven months, but here I am, finally at the point where it’s no longer piercing... Continue Reading →

six months

There was a story you wrote, years ago. You were stuck, couldn't figure out what to write. Fits and starts of little things, but nothing that felt right until you struck upon what would become Under-London. I can't find it, now, because you took everything down in preparation for publication, but it started with a... Continue Reading →

how I am

"How are you?" This is a dangerous question, today. On the way to work, my knuckles, already OCD-torn, cracked and bleeding, are white with strain. I pinch my nose. I do all the things I know to keep my mascara on my eyelashes, not all over my face. It isn't easy, because today marks exactly... Continue Reading →

raise the dead

Mothers are not meant to be remade. This was a truth known since childhood. No simulacrum, no effigy could take the place of the spark that died in late September. I’d seen her dead. I’d touched her lifeless body. That cool, rigid cheek would never dimple from a smile. And she would never rise from... Continue Reading →

Stars

On the 18th, ten years and one day since Papa died, Gramma followed.  I loved them both very, very much.  ...There isn't a way to express how much.  I got to have more time with my grandmother. Anyone who loses someone who formed and shaped their life with love knows there is no such thing... Continue Reading →

victory versus failure

I need to compose a monthly Thing for the official blog, but in all honesty, I’m stumped. So here I go. On February 23, I set out for a life on the road. A seriously, seriously hard life I definitely wasn’t prepared for, but I wanted it all the same. I wanted to know if... Continue Reading →

A serious post.

2014 is at a close, and I can barely believe it. This year has sped by too fast in some places, too slow in others. 2014 was not an easy year for me and my family, but we weathered it, and I have hope 2015 contains fewer losses. It's never easy to lose people, and... Continue Reading →

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